


When The Walls Close In (My Knight Will Always Save Me)

by RheatheHadley



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Hurt Merlin, I couldn't help myself, I'm Sorry, M/M, Poor Merlin, claustrophibia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-10 17:08:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2033067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RheatheHadley/pseuds/RheatheHadley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin gets stuck. Literally. </p>
<p>Or, how Merlin develops claustrophobia and a couple of instances after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been raining for a few hours now and had been dark for a little longer. When the sun had gone it had taken all semblance of warmth with it. Merlin could see each of his breaths as violent tremors wracked his frame. He had gone for a walk in the woods after dinner while Arthur was off at an emergency afternoon footie practice.

It wasn’t that Merlin didn’t like the Pendragon Manor, he did live there, but without Arthur it just didn’t feel like home. It hadn’t been home when Merlin’s mum, Hunith, became Arthur’s nanny (“She’s not my nanny.” Arthur would insist) when Merlin was five and Arthur was six. They hadn’t gotten along at first but with a lot of time and (surprisingly) insults the two became unlikely friends.  
Eventually they grew inseparable and Uther paid for Merlin to attend Arthur’s posh school with the hope that Merlin would help bring Arthur out of his shell and finally make some friends. It worked. They formed a group of close friends made of girls and guys alike, in which all of the guys besides Merlin played footie together. While Merlin couldn’t attend practices (not being on the team and all), he went to all of their games. So when Arthur went to practice, Merlin went for walks through the never-ending woods that made up the Pendragon property.

Merlin liked that he could be alone out there, without the suspicious eyes of the staff or Arthur. Arthur didn’t understand the concept of alone time or privacy. Not that he didn’t love Arthur, he did, and everyone knew it. They were two halves of a whole, not really them unless the other was there. It wasn’t Merlin and Arthur, it was MerlinandArthur. Merlin loved it, he really did, but every now and then he needed to be just Merlin.

There was a path, kept clear by the grounds keeper and frequented by young Boy Scout troops, but Merlin’s always been a day dreamer. He’s always had sort of a special ability to get lost in his thoughts. That’s how he found himself stuck in this rather unfortunate situation. Literally, stuck. Not only was he tired and cold but he was stuck somewhere in the middle of the woods. He hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going and he’d just sort of wandered off the path. One second he’d been wandering merrily through the woods and in the next the ground had come out from beneath him and he was falling.

There was a hole in the ground; it was more of a crack really. It looked like the earth just pulled itself apart a little with the intent of swallowing him up. His right arm was pinned against his side. His left arm was a little better. It was stuck from shoulder to elbow, leaving his forearm and hand free. Both of his feet, however, were completely trapped beneath him. He tried to pull them free but a fierce pain shot up his left leg and the world swam a little. Merlin couldn’t tell if it was his foot, his ankle, or his shin, but something was definitely broken. He stopped trying to move his leg after that.

The hole was deep, probably about eight feet. If Merlin stood he could probably stretch his arms up, reach the top, and pull himself out. But Merlin couldn’t stand. He was sitting with his knees trapped to his chest; the left one a little further down with his foot wedged someplace too small to actually accommodate the size of a foot.

He took some deep breaths and remained calm. Arthur would come. He’d find Merlin and rescue him and take care of him just like he always did when Merlin needed him to. So he waited. It took a little over an hour before he finally lost it. He cried and screamed and jerked around, trying to break free even though the pain in his leg was begging him not to. Eventually he exhausted himself and went lax, his eyes staring but not seeing the dirt wall in front of him.

After a while, a pounding in his skull caught his attention. Merlin ducked his head and raised his left hand, hoping he’d be able to reach. When his fingers hit the tender area, he saw spots. He must have hit his head when he fell. Merlin pulled his fingers back and wasn’t all to surprised when they came away with blood on them.

Another hour passed and Merlin watched as the light that peered down on him changed from sunshine yellow to sunset orange before vanishing completely. Not long after, the skies opened up and Merlin was quickly drenched. The cold crept up on him. His labored breaths were painstakingly obvious when they pushed passed his chapped lips like puffs of nighttime fog. He shuddered and shook and was sure that anyone in a one mile radius must have been able to hear his teeth chattering. More time passed and Merlin’s body was adjusting to the cold, taking some of the shivering away. He didn’t care how many times he’d mentally complained to himself about how annoying the teeth chattering was, he wanted to keep shivering. Shivering is the body’s way of staying warm, staying alive. When the body starts to give up, the mind does too.

It was when the rain had finally stopped that he heard it. It was a dog. It was barking and whining and real. But that wasn’t right. The Pendragon’s didn’t have any dogs. Merlin could hear it though, he was sure of it. First it was one, then another, and another before suddenly there was a whole pack of them. Do dogs work in packs or was that just wolves? Merlin couldn’t seem to remember. Now there were voices. Actual human voices, he wasn’t imagining them. They were yelling and calling out into the night. He tried to focus on what they were saying. It sounded like… “…rlin. Merlin!” It was him! They were looking for him! It was a search party with dogs and everything! Arthur must have gotten home from practice and realized Merlin was missing and now Arthur was coming to find him!  
“Arthur!” He tried calling out to him but his voice was raw and horse from all his screaming and crying earlier. “Arthur! Arthur, please!”  
No matter how loud he yelled, he didn’t think anyone would be able to hear him. He was going to be stuck down here forever. So Merlin did the only thing he could do. He cried. It was heartbreaking and the sobs shook his frame as much as his cramped position would allow. He was cold, tired, stuck, and hopeless. Not to mention terrified. Merlin didn’t care if Arthur made damsel jokes for the rest of their lives; he just wanted the prat to find him.

“Hey Percy, do you hear that?”

Merlin quickly swallowed his sobs. It was Gwaine! He was here and so was Percival!

“I don’t hear anything.” Percival said.

“Hey! Everyone!” Gwaine yelled. “SHUT UP!”

The woods fell into silence. This was his chance. “Someone help me, please!”

Silence. He thought he had failed, that his voice had been too weak, and that he blew his one shot at being saved. Then he heard it. Shoes, squelching through the mud, coming closer with every step. A blinding light peered down at him from above him.

“Sorry mate.” Gwaine said, turning the flashlight in a way so he could see. “You look like hell.”

Merlin laughed. He couldn’t help it. He had been found and Gwaine was being Gwaine and everything was going to be okay now. Happy tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes.

“Someone call Arthur and get him over here. I’m sure Merlin wants to see him.” Gwaine said. Merlin nodded a little too enthusiastically and couldn’t hold back the hiss of pain it caused.

Percival was concerned. “How much can you move?” Merlin waved his left forearm and hand up and down. “Can you tell us what hurts?”

“I did something to my left leg. I think it’s broken but I can’t tell where. I hit my head when I came down too. It’s- there’s blood but I’m not sure how bad it is.” Merlin could hear a lot more people but they were out of sight. He could only see Gwaine and Percy. Then Gwaine vanished. “Where’s he going?” Merlin asked Percival, panicking a little. 

“Calm down Merlin, he’s not leaving. He’s talking to some of the search team to figure out the best way to get you out of there. Just hold on for a little bit longer.”

He remained calm and in a moment, Gwaine was back. “The best option is just to pull you up and out. We could try to dig you out a little but with how tightly you’re stuck that could just do more harm than good. Percy, you’re gonna grab my ankles and lower me in head first. I’ll hold onto Merlin and together we’ll pull him out, okay?” Percy nodded. “You ready to get out of there, Merlin?”

“You have no idea.” Merlin responded.

Percival grabbed Gwaine’s ankles and lowered him into the hole. Gwaine latched his hands under Merlin’s arms as best as he could. Then, they pulled.

Merlin wasn’t really aware of how long the process took, he was more aware of the pain his body was going through. Then, he was above the ground instead of stuck in it. He was still in pain but the happiness of being out helped to dull it a little. A flash of gold and red caught his attention. “Arthur!” He yelled.

Arthur ran to him and held him close, being careful not to hurt him. “Shit Merlin, don’t ever scare me like that again. I got home late and you still weren’t back and you’re always home by the time I get there. I asked around and everyone said that you went to take a walk like you always do but that you hadn’t come back yet. We’ve been searching for ages Merlin. I was beginning to think we’d never find you.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Merlin’s head. 

Merlin tugged on his red coat, trying to pull him even closer. “I was so scared. I couldn’t move and then it was dark and wet and cold and-” Merlin was rambling but Arthur silenced him with a kiss. 

“You’re fine now. Gwaine and Percy found you and got you out. I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

Arthur lifted Merlin off the ground and carried him back to the Pendragon Manor where there was an ambulance waiting. Merlin saw his mum sitting on the front steps of the Manor. As soon as she saw him she came running. She had been crying, Merlin could tell, but now she was all smiles. “Oh Merlin, my precious baby, I’m so glad you’re alright.”

They loaded him into the ambulance and allowed Arthur to come along, instead of just him Hunith, when Merlin started crying again. Once at the hospital, he was diagnosed with a broken ankle, a concussion, and hypothermia. All of their friends came to visit. Merlin thanked Percival and Gwaine for finding him and pulling him out. Then he thanked Elyan, Leon, and Lance for searching as well and Gwen and Morgana for keeping his mother company.

Eventually, his nurse got them all to leave but Arthur stayed. In fact, he refused to leave until they released Merlin the next day. He fell asleep in one of the hard plastic hospital chairs while holding Merlin’s hand. 

When they got back home, Arthur dragged Merlin into his room. “Arthur,” Merlin argued, “I have my own room you know.”

Arthur smiled, “Yes but I told you I was never letting you out of my sight again and my bed is much bigger than yours.” Merlin rolled his eyes but allowed Arthur to manhandle him under the covers. When Merlin was settled, Arthur sat next to him and ran his hand lazily through Merlin’s hair. “I really was scared, you know. I don’t know what I would have done had something worse happened to you.”

Merlin smiled and yawned. “That never would have happened.”

“How do you know?”

“You’re my knight in shining armor. You’d never let it happen. You love me to much.”

“You’re right, I do love you.”

“I love you too. Even though you are a prat.”

“Go to sleep Merlin.” Arthur pressed a kiss to his forehead, which made Merlin smile even more before he finally curled up and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update. I've been a little preoccupied with school. Plus, I've been trying to catch up on the lovely Criminal Minds on Netflix (my most current obsession). Only three more seasons to go. Who needs sleep anyway?

Arthur shoved Merlin up against the side of the van and crushed their lips together. Somewhere behind them, Morgana cleared her throat. “If you two could stop making out for five minutes and help us load up the rest of the luggage it would be much appreciated.”

Arthur reluctantly pulled away but not before he nipped at Merlin’s ear, causing him to squeak in a way he found completely adorable. Lancelot rolled his eyes. They loaded up the back seat of Morgana’s car and the trunk until nothing more would fit and then put the rest in the back of the van. Morgana and Gwen would be taking the car and most of the luggage to the cabin while all the guys rode in the van.

The cabin had been in the Pendragon family for a very long time and it was always kept in shape by a small hired staff. It was big with two floors, four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a full sized kitchen, a living room, and a large wrap around porch. Not to mention the magnificent lake that had a deck, rope swing, two canoes, and two paddle boats. It was like a little slice of heaven and they were going to be living there for the next week and a half.

Once they got all of the luggage loaded up, Morgana and Gwen hopped into the little silver car and the boys piled into the van. Leon was driving, since he was the best driver and Percival got to sit in the front seat because he was the only one who could make sense of the maps. Lancelot and Elyan were sitting in the middle row, leaving Arthur, Merlin, and Gwaine in the back.

Everyone was pretty quiet for the first hour. It was still fairly early in the morning and they had all stayed up late packing because they decided to put it off until the last second. It was during the second hour that everyone started to wake up. Leon and Percy talked about football. Lance and Elyan listened to the radio and made occasional comments about this or that. Gwaine was bored and decided that it was all Arthur’s fault. Merlin had fallen back to sleep.

“How is it my fault?” Arthur asked.

“You’re boring. All you do it sit there! You’re not talking or humming to the radio or anything!” Gwaine yelled, frustrated.

“I don’t live to entertain you Gwaine.” Arthur readjusted himself so the Merlin’s head didn’t fall off his shoulder.

“You don’t live anymore!” Gwaine yelled.

Arthur was confused.

Gwaine sighed. “You never hang out with us if Merlin isn’t around. Not that I don’t like Merlin. It’s just that we miss you being all not relationship-y.”

Arthur frowned, not liking where this was headed. “What are you on about?”

“As soon as practice is over, you practically run all the way home to get back to him. If Merlin can’t hang out because he's busy, you stay home with him even when you aren't.”

“You’ve wanted to say this for a while, haven’t you?” Arthur said, getting angrier.

“I have. And it’s not just about us wanting to hang out with you. You’re constantly worrying about him! I understand that something bad happened to him, but you can’t let that control you. We all know Merlin needs his space and lately you’re always there, breathing down his neck and watching over his shoulder. Give him a break!” Gwaine yelled.

“Look Gwaine,” Arthur was really trying to keep his cool as both of them were getting more and more agitated, “if Merlin wants me to leave him alone then he’ll tell me. I appreciate your concern but the relationship I have with Merlin is between the two of us and we don’t need you telling us how to be a couple.”

Gwaine lost it. He launched himself at Arthur and pinned him up against the other side of the car. “Fuck you Pendragon. I’m trying to help.”

When Gwaine slammed Arthur up against the side of the car, he seemed to have forgotten that Merlin was sleeping on Arthur’s other side. Merlin was awake now. Awake and being pinned against the side of the car by Arthur’s body. He could faintly hear Gwaine yelling and Arthur yelling back but he couldn’t make sense of what they were saying. He was stuck and he wanted to tell them to stop but the words got caught in his throat. He wanted to push them away but he couldn’t move. His body wouldn’t listen to him. He couldn’t breathe and he was panicking. He just wanted out. Out. OUT!

He was screaming. He just thrashing around, trying to get out. Arthur was there, trying to calm him down. Leon quickly pulled over to the side of the road. The girls had been following, noticed, and did the same thing. Everyone piled out of the van. Arthur pulled Merlin out and carried him over to the grass on the side of the road.

Merlin was shaking like a leaf and there were tear tracks on his face but they had gotten him out fairly quickly so it didn’t take him long to calm down his breathing.

“Oh god, Merlin I am so sorry!” Gwaine took a step closer; attempting to reach out to Merlin and comfort him but Arthur’s glare stopped him.

The blonde sat next to Merlin in the grass and soothingly rubbed a hand up and down his back. “Are you alright Merlin?”

Merlin nodded and his cheeks flamed in embarrassment. “I’m fine. We should probably get back on the road though.” He stood shakily and brushed off Arthur’s attempt at assistance. Merlin pretended he didn’t see the offended look on his boyfriend’s face as he climbed back into the van.

}!{

While Arthur was giving everyone a tour of the cabin, Merlin had managed to corner Gwaine in the kitchen.

“What were you two arguing about earlier?” Merlin asked him.

Gwaine feigned ignorance. “What do you mean?”

Merlin sighed. “In the van this morning, before I… woke up, you and Arthur were arguing about something. What was it?”

“It was nothing. Just a little misunderstanding.”

“It was about me, wasn’t it?” Merlin glared at him. “I have a right to know. You don’t have to keep this from me. Whatever it is, I can take it.”

Gwaine looked down at his shoes in guilt. “I- you’ve been- it’s just that I’m worried about you. We all can see how much you need your space since the accident and we’ve given it to you, we understand. But Arthur doesn’t. He’s practically smothering you, breathing down your neck constantly, always in our personal space. He should understand better than the rest of us what you’ve been through!”

“Stop.” Merlin stood a little straighter and looked his friend in the eye. “Just stop. Did you ever think that maybe I’m capable of knowing what I want and what I can handle? Arthur makes me feel safe. If he were making me uncomfortable or overstepping any boundaries, I’d tell him. I think you just need to mind your own damn business. I can take care of myself.”

Gwaine watched in shock as Merlin stormed off to find where the other had gone.

}!{

Night had fallen and a field of endless stars blanketed the night sky. Everyone was sitting around a fire they’d built in the backyard, roasting marshmallows, and having a good time. Merlin had just finished his third smore when Arthur nudged him.

“Want to go for a boat ride?” Merlin nodded and followed him over to the deck where they both climbed into one of the paddle boats and pushed off.

It was relaxing, the rhythmic sound of the water lapping against the side of the paddle boat and the crickets chirping. They’d made it a considerable distance away from where the others were sitting by the fire before Merlin pulled his feet off the peddles.

“Merlin, wh-” Arthur turned to look at him, but the raven haired boy’s face was tilted toward the sky, his eyes scanning the vast sea of stars.

“I asked Gwaine what you guys were arguing about this morning.” He paused and Arthur waited patiently for him to speak, knowing there was more he wanted to say. “He thinks you’re too clingy or something. I know he’s worried. You all are, but…”  Merlin turned to face Arthur, his eyes glistening with moisture. “I’m not weak. I’m not. I just-”

Arthur shook his head, interrupting him. “We know that Merlin, we do. We don’t hover because we think you’re weak, we do it because _we_ are.”

Merlin drew his eyebrows together in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

Arthur sighed. “When you went missing that night, we were scared, terrified even. When I was little, before you came to live with us, the head-groundskeeper’s kid told me stories of kids that wandered off the path and were never seen again. I knew they weren’t true, that he told me that so I wouldn’t wander off while his father was working and get him in trouble. But that night, I couldn’t help but think about those stories and wander if you would turn into one.” He reached out and grabbed Merlin’s hand. “I have this irrational fear in the back of my mind that says if I’m away from you for too long, I’ll come back and you’ll be gone again.”

Merlin smiled at him before leaning foreword and capturing Arthur’s lips with his. “Have I ever told you that I love you?”

“Yes,” Arthur smirked, “but it wouldn’t hurt to hear you say it some more.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, “You are such a prat.” Then he sighed, “But I do love you.”


	3. Chapter 3

Before the accident, when Merlin needed to think, he’d lay down on his bed or in the middle of the floor and stare at the ceiling. Now, when he needs to think, he paces his bedroom floor. That’s how Arthur found him the day before school was to start; pacing back and forth, up and down.

The door swung open and Arthur strode in, sweatpants low on his hips, water dripping from his hair and landing on his broad shoulders. “Merlin, I swear I could hear you thinking over the sound of the water running in my shower. Will you please calm down?”

“I can’t.” Merlin said, not bothering to look his way. His pacing didn’t falter.

Arthur marched up behind him, wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist, and set his chin on his shoulder. “How about you stop working on wearing holes in the carpet and we talk instead?”

Merlin sighed and his steps froze. He turned in Arthur’s arms and laid his head on his chest. “My mind keeps falling into the same thoughts. It’s like my mind is stuck and I really _hate_ being stuck.”

“I know,” Arthur said while rubbing his hands across Merlin’s back in a soothing manner. He steered them over to the double bed in the corner of the room and pulled Merlin down next to him. “But you’re being an idiot.” He said affectionately. “We’ve started off the school year plenty of times before.”

“This time is different and you know it. Everyone knows about the incident in the woods.” Merlin said, burying his hands in his hair.

“Maybe not everybody…”

Merlin elbowed him in the side. “You know it was on the news.”

“Merlin, it happened at the beginning of the summer. People have probably forgotten all about it by now. Besides, I heard that Vivien’s pregnant. Surely that’s way more interesting.”

Merlin looked up at him and smiled weakly. “You think so?”

Arthur nodded. “Of course! She’s going to have to quit cheerleading and she’ll get fat. If our school had a magazine, she’d be on the front cover.”

Merlin seemed to get some relief from Arthur’s words. Still, he flopped back on the bed dramatically. “I just haven’t really gone out and seen anyone since it happened. Sure we’ve hung out with the gang, but even they act weird around me sometimes.”

“I told you, everyone’s been acting different because we were all scared we were going to lose you.”

Merlin shook his head. “That’s not what I’m talking about. When we went camping a couple of weeks ago, and I freaked out in the car… I never wanted them to see that and I know they didn’t want to see it either.”

“Merlin, that’s not-”

“I know what it was! They hate that I’m not the same anymore and they feel like they have to tiptoe around me all of the time.” Merlin looked up at Arthur with sad eyes. “If my own friends act like that, how can I expect others to act any better?”

Arthur lay down next to him and Merlin curled into his side. He pressed a kiss to the top of Merlin’s head. “I guess you can’t, you can only hope.” Arthur got up and turned out the lights before returning to the bed. He threw an arm over Merlin’s waist and waited until the raven haired boy’s breaths evened out before letting himself fall asleep.

 

}!{

 

When Merlin woke up, Arthur’s side of the bed was still warm, but he was nowhere in sight. It was when Merlin sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes that Arthur entered the room. Merlin opened his eyes to find Arthur smiling at him from behind his hand.

“What’s so funny?” Merlin asked.

“Nothing’s funny. You’re just ridiculously adorable.”

When Arthur got closer to the bed, Merlin reached out a hand and swatted at him. “Prat.”

They got dressed for school fairly quickly and raced downstairs where Hunith had breakfast waiting. Morgana was already there.

Hunith smiled softly as she slid full plates in front of them. “French toast and eggs; nothing but the best for my boys.” They ate like they hadn’t seen food in weeks.

“Slow down!” She scolded. “If you keep eating at that pace you’ll get hiccups.”

That got them to eat at a more reasonable pace. When they finished, Hunith hugged each of the boys and sent them on their way. They waited in the car for a minute until Morgana strode out at her usual leisurely pace. Then Arthur drove them to school like he always did. Merlin fiddled with the radio while Morgana texted from the back seat.

Arthur reached out and stilled Merlin’s hand. “You shouldn’t be so nervous about the prospect of people treating you differently. The only opinion that really matters is mine, and I think you’re just fine.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “It’s not just that. Though it’s nice to know how highly you think of other people’s opinions.”

“What else is bothering you then?” Arthur asked.

Merlin sighed. “I just have a bad feeling.”

“Ah,” Arthur said jokingly, “you and your bad feelings. Don’t worry, if something happens and you need a knight in shining armor, just call. I’m always happy to help a damsel such as yourself.” He threw a wink on at the end, just for good measure.

Merlin laughed and Arthur counted it as a victory. He could see Morgana smiling in the rear view mirror. “Is something amusing you?” He asked his harpy of a stepsister.

She shrugged and tried to look nonchalant. “Nothing. Just the fact that you two are adorable.” Merlin flushed a rather pretty shade of red, which didn’t escape Morgana’s notice. “Merlin, you are just too cute. Arthur, you’d better keep him close or someone might snatch him.”

When they pulled into the school parking lot, Merlin’s cheeks cooled and his smile faded a bit. He tried to hold onto it though, for Arthur’s sake. They climbed out of the car and Arthur reached for Merlin’s hand first.

From where they stood, they could see that everyone from their friend group had gathered around Gwaine’s truck. The three of them took off in that direction.

“Don’t you think we should head inside?” Arthur called out once he was within hearing range.

Everyone’s heads turned towards him and Merlin and their faces lit up. “It’s about time you two got here.” Elyan said.

Gwen rolled her eyes at her brother and headed inside with Morgana.

Gwaine hopped down from the bed of his truck and clapped Merlin on the shoulder. “Hey mate, long time no see.”

Lance nodded in agreement. “He’s right; we haven’t seen much of you since the camping trip two weeks ago. Is everything alright?”

Merlin sighed. This is exactly what he hadn’t been looking forward to. “Everything’s fine. I’ve just been a bit busy lately.”

No one asked what he’d been busy with and Merlin was extremely greatful. If they had, he wouldn’t have had an answer.

Sensing Merlin’s discomfort, Arthur steered the group inside where everyone headed to class. Merlin’s first class was with Arthur and Gwaine. After the camping trip, things had been rough between them, but Merlin sorted it out and they were back to being their usual selves.

Though Gwaine and Arthur were fine, Merlin couldn’t help but notice everyone else in their class. Many of them kept shooting him wary or concerned glances whenever the teacher wasn’t looking. Even the new girl, Elena, caught on before long and was doing the same. Merlin just wanted to disappear. Arthur noticed Merlin’s mood and grabbed his hand under the table. He was extremely greatful that Arthur wasn’t completely oblivious.

Merlin’s next class was without Arthur, but he managed with Lance and Elyan. Things were fine for Merlin’s next two classes, but then lunch came. He walked in alone and got his tray. When he turned to look for a place to sit, Sophia and Valiant were standing right there.

“Hey Merlin, it’s been awhile.” She said bitterly. “How’s Arthur?”

Merlin tried to ignore her and walk around them, but Valiant moved to stand in his way.

“It’s not nice to ignore people. Why don’t you answer her?” He said, arms crossed over his chest.

Merlin sighed. “Arthur fine, he’s the same as he’s always been. It seems that you are too. You’re never going to stop pining after him, are you?”

Valiant stepped forward and grabbed a fistful of Merlin’s shirt. He struggled to not drop his tray, but somehow managed to hold on. Valiant’s eyes flickered over Merlin’s shoulder. He sneered before releasing his shirt and stalking off with Sophia.

Merlin turned around and came face to face with Percival. The gentle giant smiled his signature little grin. “Hey Merlin. Have I ever mentioned how nice it is to be the only guy in school bigger than Valiant?”

“No, but I sure am thankful.”

Percival clapped Merlin on the shoulder and together they headed for the table where the rest of the gang was sitting. Arthur looked up at them as they approached and gestured for Merlin to take the seat next to him. The raven haired boy did so happily.

“Were Valiant and Sophia giving you a hard time again?” Arthur asked.

Merlin shrugged. “No more than usual. Valiant’s still angry that you beat him out for footie captain and Sophia’s just jealous that you’re mine.”

Arthur smirked. “Feeling a little possessive, are we?”

He flushed and elbowed Arthur in the side before continuing. “It’s not my fault she’s a self-absorbed bitch. And even if you some how managed to overlook her appalling personality, it’s kinda hard to overlook the huge tits. How many times do I have to tell her you’re gay?”

Gwaine laughed from the other side of the table. “Even I can’t overlook her awful personality, and that’s saying something because her tits are magnificent.”

Elyan rolled his eyes. “At least we finally know that you are capable of seeing more in a girl than what she looks like.”

Gwaine puffed up his chest. “I’ll have you know that I happen to care a lot about what a girl’s personality is like. That’s why I never date the bitchy ones.”

“No, you just sleep with them.” Percy muttered into his milk carton.

Gwaine elbowed him hard enough to make him spill his milk, so Percy stole some of his fries. If it wasn’t for Lancelot stepping in like always, the situation probably would have resulted in a food fight.

Merlin finished off his food and then proceeded to eat some of Arthur’s fries. Arthur didn’t mind, in fact, he was rather glad Merlin was eating. He knew Merlin had a tendency to not eat when he was nervous or worried, so seeing him eat was a relief.

When the lunch bell rang, Merlin headed to his locker to grab his things and then headed to his next class. He walked with a little more pep in his step, since this was another class he shared with Arthur. After strolling in, he looked round and his eyes settled on the prat. Arthur had saved him a seat. He slid into the desk next to Arthur and waited for the bell to ring.

A minute later, class began and Ms. Lake asked them to get out their notebooks. Merlin swore under his breath. He’d grabbed the wrong notebook. He raised his hand to get the teacher’s attention.

“Yes, Mr. Emrys?”

“Can I go to my locker? I grabbed the wrong notebook.” Merlin asked.

Ms. Lake nodded. “Go ahead, but be quick about it.”

Merlin rose from his seat and exited the classroom. He headed for his locker, turning down several hallways as he went. As he rounded one of the corners, he ran straight into someone and landed flat on his back in the middle of the hallway. He looked up to apologize, but the words died on his lips. It was Valiant.

The bully grinned maliciously and cracked his knuckles. “Well, well. Would you look at that? It’s Merlin, just the person we were talking about. Isn’t that right Sophia?”

Merlin looked past him to see Sophia standing next to Valiant’s open locker, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes narrowed. Merlin swallowed stiffly. Valiant reached down and grabbed Merlin by the front shirt, hauling him to his feet.

Sophia stalked over and looked Merlin up and down before laughing bitterly.

“What?” Merlin asked defensively.

“Oh, nothing,” she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “I just think it’s funny how you think Arthur could ever love you. I mean, have you seen yourself?”

“I don’t think anything; I _know_ he loves me.”

“You’ve got it wrong. He’s just confused. You’re a phase for him, and once this phase is over Arthur and I will be together. You’ll see.”

It was Merlin’s turn to laugh. “Even if Arthur wasn’t gay, which he very much is, he’d never love you.”

She flipped her hair over her shoulder dramatically. “Of course he would. I’m the most beautiful girl in the school.”

“On the outside maybe, but you’re personality leaves much to be desired.”

Sophia was fuming. She looked like she wanted to do nothing more in that moment than reach out and slap him across the face. But she didn’t. Instead, she composed herself and smiled eerily. “Where are my manners? I should probably ask how you’re doing.”

Merlin frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I heard about what happened this summer, the accident at the Pendragon Manner. Poor little Merlin, stuck all night long in the cold and rain. It must have been awful, waiting, not knowing if anyone would ever find you. You probably thought you were going to die in that hole.”

Merlin tried to block out her words, to ignore the feeling in his chest that made his breaths come quicker.

Sophia continued on, very much aware of the affect her words were having. “There are rumors going around school about you, about how you’re scared of small spaces. Claustrophobia, isn’t it? I can't imagine how hard it must be to live with something like that. But don’t worry, I think I can help. I’ve heard that the best way to get over your fears is to face them head on. I think Valiant and I would love to help you with that. Wouldn’t we Valiant?”

Valiant nodded and tightened his hold on the raven haired boy. Sophia turned to the open locker behind her and pulled all of the books out of it. Merlin began to struggle, knowing what was about to happen, but it was no use. Valiant was too strong. He shoved Merlin into the locker and then forced the door shut before taking off with Sophia.

As soon as Merlin heard the lock click, he could feel the panic clawing at his insides. The locker wasn’t as tall as him, so his neck was bent at an awkward angle. His arms were trapped between his chest and the door of the locker. He pressed his head against the cold metal and tried to slow his breathing. It was no use. Tears streamed from his eyes. He wanted to yell, to scream for someone, anyone to come find him and let him out. But he couldn’t. He felt like his throat was closing up. His heart thudded painfully in his chest as he fought to breathe properly. One though ran through his mind: _No one will find you if no one can hear you._

So, he screamed. He screamed and screamed and banged his hands against the metal door. He thrashed around as best as he could and ended up slamming his head into the metal as well. He didn’t let that stop him. His one though turned into one word: _louder_. So that’s what he did. His head was throbbing and his hands were hurting and his throat was sore, but he kept screaming and banging any part of himself into the metal to create as much racket as he could.

He barely registered when he was being pulled to freedom. There were too many people around, too many hands trying to comfort him, too many voices asking him to calm down. He tried to push them away and, when that didn’t work, resorted to tugging at his hair in frustration. The hands were frantic now, arms wrapping around him, desperately trying to keep him from hurting himself. That just made him work harder to push them off. Then there was a pinch on his arm and he finally stopped fighting when unconsciousness took over.

 

}!{

When Merlin woke, his heart jumped painfully in his chest until he realized that Arthur was sitting right next to him on the cot and running his hands through Merlin’s dark hair. When he noticed Merlin’s eyes open, the look on his face changed from one of worry to one of relief. “You’re awake.”

Merlin blinked a few times, feeling strangely foreign in his own body.

Arthur noticed as a look of confusion settled on his features. “Do you remember what happened?” He asked.

Merlin shook his head, and then nodded, before shaking his head again. “Was I talking to Valiant and Sophia?”

Arthur sighed. “I’m not really sure on what happened before they found you.”

Merlin frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You got locked in a locker. Valiant’s been suspended, because it was his locker they found you in, but there was nothing to suggest Sophia was involved. She was given a stern talking-to by the principal, but there wasn’t much else they could do.”

Merlin swallowed stiffly. “I got l-locked in a locker?”

Arthur nodded. “Then you were brought to the nurse’s office.”

It wasn’t until then that Merlin really realized where he was. Though he really should have; it smelt of new band aids and alcohol wipes. “How did I get here?” Merlin asked. “I don’t remember how I got here.”

Arthur looked down at his hands for a moment before meeting Merlin’s eyes. “They had to sedate you.”

“What? Why?”

“When they got you out you were panicking. I wasn’t there, but Gwen was, and she said you tried to punch out a few teachers that were trying to hold you down.”

Merlin rolled over and buried his face in the pillow his head was resting on. “Great, now everyone in the whole school has seen me have a breakdown.” He said, his words muffled by the scratchy cotton.

“It wasn’t the _whole_ school. It was maybe twenty kids. I think you might be overreacting a bit.”

Merlin rolled back over, sat up, and glared at him. “No, I’m really not. How would you feel if people saw you screaming and crying? If they saw you acting like you disserve to strapped in a straight jacket and locked in a loony bin? It doesn’t matter how many people saw it, what matters it that people _did_ see it. Because people talk and soon, the whole school is going to think I’ve lost it!” By the time he finished, there were tears in his eyes.

Arthur sighed and let his forehead rest against Merlin’s. “I’m sorry. If I was in your situation I’d probably be upset too. But, like I told you last night, they don’t matter. _You_ matter; you matter to me, to our friends, to your mother, hell -- even my father. And no matter what they say, that’s not going to change. I’m still going to love you and our friends are still going to want to hang out with you, whether everyone else thinks you’re crazy or not.”

A tear rolled down Merlin’s cheek, but he chose to ignore it in favor of tilting his head forward and pressing his lips to Arthur’s.

“What was that for?” Arthur asked when they pulled apart.

Merlin blinked and more tears fell. “For loving me and for letting me love you.”

“I know what Sophia thinks, and she’s wrong. You’re not just a phase Merlin. You’re it for me.” Then he smirked. “You’re going to be mine forever and ever.”

Merlin slapped him playfully on the shoulder. “You possessive prat!”

Arthur leaned forward and nipped at his ear, which upon contact turned bright red with blush. “You love it.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, but didn’t argue.

Arthur’s lips moved from his ear to trail down his neck. “Actually, I think you’ve enchanted me. Am I under a spell of some kind? If so, I don’t mind in the slightest.”

Merlin laughed loudly and pushed him away. “You’re quite hilarious, but you do realize that we’re in the nurse’s office, right? The last thing I want is for her to come in here while your lips are latched onto my neck.”

Arthur pouted for a moment, but Merlin stayed firm. Finally the blonde’s shoulders slumped. “Fine, but this isn’t over.”

Merlin smiled. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

The nurse, Alice, walked in only moments later.

“Ah, Merlin!” She said. “I was hoping you’d be up by the time I got back. I’ve just come from talking to the principle. He says you and Arthur can leave any time you’d like.”

“Well in that case,” Arthur said as he jumped up from the cot and pulled Merlin with him, “we’ll be on our way.”

Merlin muttered an embarrassed “thank you” under his breath and then they were out the door.

When they got in Arthur’s car, Merlin stilled Arthur’s hand from turning the key in the ignition. Arthur looked at him in question.

Merlin’s deep blue eyes gazed into his with a sense of urgency. “I do love you. I know sometimes say it so much it seems like I don’t mean it and other times I forget to say it enough, but that doesn’t change how I feel.”

Arthur smiled. “I know, and I love you too. Never forget that.”


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin glared at the spot on the carpet. It was a stain, no doubt a fairly old one, seeing as this was an unused study in the Pendragon Manor. Brown in color and smudgy in shape, Merlin guessed it was from coffee. Someone had probably stayed up late, pouring over papers and books, or maybe had woken early and needed a little pick me up. Either way, when Merlin squinted, it looked kind of like a frog or maybe a bumblebee.

Merlin stopped inspecting the stain when someone cleared their throat to get his attention. Mithian, his psychiatrist, sat across from him in an old armchair upholstered with loud floral-print fabric. Despite the stiff nature of her navy pencil skirt, she’d managed to cross her legs comfortably. Her hair was loose and her makeup was natural. She was kind and welcoming every time they spoke. As a person, Merlin had no quarrel with her. As a psychiatrist, he absolutely despised her. Though, this had more to do with the fact that he hated his need for psychiatric help than it did with her actual job performance. 

“Were you listening Merlin?” Her voice was even and her tone was saturated with patience.

He sighed and shook his head. Mithian wrote something down in the little leather journal she had perched in her lap during every one of their sessions. She always used a blue felt-tip pen. Merlin had always preferred rollerball himself.

“I asked if you’ve been taking the anxiety medication I prescribed to you during our session last week.”

Again, he sighed. “Yes.”

“You sound rather displeased. Has it been working alright?”

“It works just fine,” he admitted.

Merlin thought anyone else would be frowning at him by now, but she remained as neutral as ever. “So what seems to be the problem?”

The raven haired boy picked as a loose thread on sleeve to avoid making eye contact. “I just don’t want to be one of those people that rely on medication to function normally.”

“There’s nothing wrong with needing to take medicine. I have an uncle who takes pills every day to help out with his heart condition. I have a neighbor that takes medicine to manage her diabetes.”

Merlin huffed in frustration. “Those are physical things, though. My problems are mental. I feel like a headcase.”

“I find your problems to be just as physical as theirs.”

“How?” Merlin asked.

“Well, the medicine you take helps your brain,” she said, “and your brain is an organ just like my uncle’s heart or my neighbor’s pancreas.”

Merlin sat up a little straighter. “That makes sense, I guess. Still, I don’t want to have to take medicine for the rest of my life.”

“It’s likely that you won’t have to. Things like anxiety can get better over time.”

“They can also get worse.”

Mithian smiled reassuringly. “True, but you’re young and headstrong. I feel like you’ll beat this.”

“But how? Every time I hear a whisper, I assume it’s about me. Every time I walk down the halls at school and hear someone laugh, I think they’re laughing at me. It seems like everyone in the whole world knows I’m claustrophobic and I hate it!”

Mithian scribbled something in her journal with her neat handwriting before closing it. “I think the solution to beating your anxiety lies with overcoming your claustrophobia.”

“You say that like it’s easy,” Merlin said with an exaggerated eye-roll. “I thought I was going to die that night I got stuck in that hole, or have you forgotten?” Mithian had been hired as Merlin psychiatrist because of his constantly developing anxiety issues, but they did talk about his claustrophobia on occasion. He didn’t enjoy discussing it though, which is why he could care less how rude he sounded.

“Off course not,” Mithian said, “and I’m not telling you that it will be easy. It is, however, doable. And frankly, I think you can do it Merlin.”

The old grandfather clock in the hall began to chime, signaling the end of their session. For a moment, neither Merlin nor Mithian moved. She stared at him with grey eyes and he stared back with blue. Then she stood, put her journal and pen in her bag and began to exit the room. On the way out, she paused by Merlin’s chair.

“You know, it doesn’t matter if I think you can do it. What matters is if _you_ think you can. Think on it for our session next week.” Then she was gone and Merlin was left in the room by himself with nothing but a bunch of dusty furniture and a smudgy coffee stain to keep him company.

 

~*~

Two days later, when Merlin had to duck into a school bathroom with his breath stuttering in his lungs and splash water on his face to dispel the tear tracks, Merlin decided that even if he didn’t think he could do it, he needed to try.

 

~*~

 

“So,” Mithian said, her journal once again open on her lap, “you’ve thought about our conversation last week?”

Merlin nodded.

“And your decision?”

“I want to do it.”

Her felt-tip pen made a note on the page. “Excellent.”

 

~*~

 

Arthur was at footie practice, which meant Merlin was alone. Well, not really alone. His mother was downstairs doing the laundry and Uther was in his study looking over official documents and Morgana was in her room, most likely talking to Gwen. So yes, he was really quite not alone. He took comfort in that.

He was in Arthur’s room instead of his own, working up the courage to do what he’d discussed with Mithian. Grabbing the t-shirt Arthur had worn to bed the night before, Merlin slipped it on. It smelled of his loving prat of a boyfriend; he inhaled deeply. Mithian had made the point during their last session that every time he ended up in a small space, it wasn’t by his own choice.

“No duh,” Merlin had said. “Why would I willingly go into a situation that causes me to panic?”

She continued like he hadn’t spoken. “By always entering those situations through happenstance or the will of others, it isn’t giving you the chance to confront it properly. In order to do that, you will have to enter a small space of your own volition.”

At the time, her suggestion kind of made sense. Now, positioned in front of Arthur’s closet, it seemed like the craziest idea in the world. He almost backed out and took a nice relaxing nap in Arthur’s ridiculously king sized bed, but he couldn’t. If this was the first step to reclaiming his life, then damn it he was going to do it. He set a timer on his phone for ten minutes.

Merlin took a deep breath and opened the closet door. Arthur didn’t have some huge walk-in closet like Morgana, but it was slightly larger than Merlin’s own closet, which was why he had chosen it. If he was going into a small space, it was going to be the biggest small space he could find. Hesitantly, he stepped inside. Part of him, a bigger part than he would care to admit, desperately wanted to reach out and flip the closet light switch. Instead, he turned around and pulled the door behind him, leaving it open a fraction of an inch. Then, he sat on the floor with his legs crossed. A sliver of light entered the crack in the door and fell onto his lap. He held out his hand, pretending for a second that he could touch it, but stopped when he noticed it was shaking slightly.

One of the things Merlin had discussed with Mithian in his last session was relaxation techniques. Close your eyes, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, imagine you are someplace lovely with someone you love.

Merlin closed his eyes, breathed in though his nose and out through his mouth, and imagined he was on the lake with Arthur under the stars.

When the timer went off ten minutes later, his hands were still shaking slightly and his chest felt a little tight, but his cheeks were dry. He was going to count this one as a win.

 

~*~

 

“You seem embarrassed,” Mithian pointed out during their next session, “care to tell me why?”

“It’s just… I feel foolish. I’m proud of myself over such a little thing. It’s insignificant really.”

Mithian shook her head. “Nonsense. It is often said that the first step in the right direction, no matter how small, just might be the biggest step you ever take.”

“How do I take a bigger step?” Merlin asked.

“You mean other than staying in the closet for longer periods of time?”

“I don’t think that will go over well. I managed ten minutes without panicking, but the calming techniques we talked about only work so much.”

Mithian smiled knowingly. “Ah, then I have just the thing for you to try.”

 

~*~

 

As Merlin waited for Arthur to return from footie practice, he paced. He knew if Arthur was there, he’d pull him down onto Merlin’s bed and press a kiss to his temple. “Stop worrying,” he’d say. He hated to see Merlin pace. That never stopped Merlin from doing it though. What did stop Merlin from pacing, however, was the sound of Arthur’s ridiculously loud car pulling up the drive.

Merlin left his room and ran down the ridiculously long flight of stairs before tripping at the bottom and almost falling face first onto the dark hardwood. He didn’t though, so he kept running until he was outside. Arthur stood next to his gleaming red Audi still in his sweaty footie clothes. He smelled quite horrendous, but that didn’t stop Merlin from throwing his arms around him.

“Whoa!” Arthur stumbled a little but wrapped his arms around Merlin in return. “This is a very enthusiastic greeting. Not that I’m complaining! Unless it’s because something bad happened... Nothing bad happened, did it?”

Merlin shook his head. “No. Actually, I think I have good news.”

“Really?”

“Don’t look so surprised, you prat,” said Merlin, swatting him on the arm.

“Well...?” Arthur asked

“Well what?”

Arthur sighed. “Aren’t you going to tell me?”

Merlin looked up at him and wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Not yet. First, you need a shower.”

Arthur huffed in annoyance, but conceded. Ten minutes later, he was out of the bathroom, towel slung over his shoulder, smelling much better than he had when he gotten home.

“Alright, I’m clean. Now are you going to tell me the good news?” He asked as Merlin stood in the middle of the room.

Merlin took a moment to admire the water dripping from the tips of Arthur’s hair and rolling off his broad shoulders; the prat never dried his hair properly after a shower. Merlin grabbed the towel from off his shoulder and rubbed it over his head. When he pulled it off, Arthur’s hair looked like a bird was attempting to nest in it. A laughed bubbled up from within him, but he silenced it by pressing a simple kiss to Arthur’s lips.

“Well,” the raven haired boy began, “my therapy is going fine. Actually, I’ve started making progress with my claustrophobia.”

“Really? That’s great!”

Merlin shrugged. “It’s progress, but Mithian and I were talking and we think we’ve found a way to help speed up the process.”

“Don’t keep me waiting, you clotpole.” Arthur joked.

“My word…” Merlin grumbled playfully. “Anyway, it’s all about positive association with negative space.” He began pulling Arthur toward the closet. “The closet is the negative space, and you get to be the positive association.”

Arthur nodded. “Okay, I think I’m following so far.”

“Excellent, because to put it in even simpler terms – we are going to play Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

“Are you seriously telling me your therapist suggested we make out in a closet?”

It was Merlin’s turn to nod.

Arthur laughed. “Well then, I’ll have to tell my father that she deserves a raise.”

 

~*~

 

They were in the closet for a lot longer than seven minutes, and Merlin didn’t panic once. Though this wasn't the end of his problem, it was a great beginning to the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's finally finished! I was never big on reading series of one shots like these, but it sure was a lot of fun to write! I'm sorry it wasn't updated regularly, but it was meant to be something for me to work on whenever inspiration struck. With the last chapter, the basic inspiration actually came from the show Hannibal (if any of you guys have seen that). You can thank my sister for making me watch it and want to finish this fic. :) I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! (*whispers in a tiny voice* Reviews are always greatly appreciated!)


End file.
